


holding on.

by Amonet



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Established Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, Unrequited Yuri Pilsetsky/Victor Nikiforov, Viktor is a bit of an ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 19:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14119275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amonet/pseuds/Amonet
Summary: "I'm 17, Viktor! I'm not meant to be responsible!” Yuri's voice is loud, too loud and he can see Viktor looking around them, but the streets of St. Petersburg are mostly empty at this time of night. Viktor is so concerned that anyone will hear, and it’s ridiculous, it’s not like anybody cares and out of spite Yuri continues even louder. “And you kissed me!"Yuri is desperatly in love and Viktor... Viktor is not. Written for Yuri Plisetsky Week 2018; Day 2 - Rarepair or Gen





	holding on.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for Day 2 of the 2018 Yuri Pliseetsky Week, the prompt was: rarepair or gen and I kind of filled them both... kinda. Anyway: A massive thanks to my beta, [@forwhenthebeestings](http://forwhenthebeestings.tumblr.com) over on tumblr, they are really amazing, so go and cheer them on!
> 
> Fair warning: This features 17-year old Yurio havng a crush on married Viktor. Literally nothing happens, but if the age gap thingy freaks you out, then this is not for you...

 

 

 

> _“There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.”_ _  
> _ Mark Twain

 

 

"You didn't come back last night," Yuri says, as soon as Viktor is close enough to hear. "You promised me you would, asshole. What is it with you that you never remember your stupid promises!?"

"Yuri, it's not that easy." Viktor keeps his distance, not getting to close. Yuri hates it, the calm professionalism. It’s not like anybody is buying it anyway, they all remember what he was like before Katsudon showed up. "We were both very irresponsible last night and it was a bad idea. We should just forget it ever happened."

"I'm 17, Viktor! I'm not meant to be responsible!” Yuri's voice is loud, too loud and he can see Viktor looking around them, but the streets of St. Petersburg are mostly empty at this time of night. Viktor is so concerned that anyone will hear, and it’s ridiculous, it’s not like anybody _cares_ and out of spite Yuri continues even louder. “And you kissed _me_!"

 "I know I did. I shouldn't have,” Viktor says, calm and just a bit condescending. It pisses Yuri off. Just because he’s a coach now he suddenly thinks he’s any more of an adult than he was before. Yuri wants to kick him so badly.

 

"What the fuck does that mean?"

 "It means that I was drunk and lonely and you were very pretty. But I'm twice your age and I didn't mean it, not really." It’s an excuse if Yuri ever heard one and he’s so not buying it. It’s not the truth, not the whole truth at least, and Yuri is so sick of everyone lying to him.

"Fuck you," Yuri shouts and kicks the street light they're under, even though it hurts his foot. It’s almost as satisfying as kicking Viktor. "Fuck you!"

"Yuri," Viktor says softly. "I'll still coach you. Nothing has to change."

 

"That's not what this is about, asshole. Don't you get it?" Yuri laughs a joyless laugh. "Don't you get it!?" He can't keep himself from shouting again and this time Viktor recoils.

"Yurio!" His voice is full of accusation and he looks _surprised_ of all things and of course he doesn’t get it, but he doesn’t even try! 

"Don't call me that," Yuri chokes out. "It's not my name and I'm not some- some second choice. I'm beautiful, you've said it yourself. And I'm talented and I'm smart, for fuck's sake, so what does he have, that I don't? Huh?" Yuri can feel tears in his eyes, but he doesn't let them fall. "Why am I never anyone's first choice?" 

"You're 17, Yuri," Viktor's voice is painfully soft. "Can't you see that I'm way too old for you?" He chuckles quietly.

 

It's a joke to him, Yuri realises. It's all just a joke. "I adored you! I worshipped you! And this is what I get?"

"What do you want then? Huh, Yura? What is it that you want?" Viktor's voice is low and dangerous as he steps closer and Yuri can feel himself lean in, against his will. His body acts on its own and Viktor is so close now, his breath on Yuri's ear and his smell in Yuri's nose. It's intoxicating. 

"I-," Yuri starts, but his head feels empty suddenly.

"Do you want me to kiss you again? To hold you, like you are the most precious thing in the world? To buy you flowers? Or do you want me to fuck you against the wall? Hard and fast? Make you bounce off my cock? You weigh nothing, I could just hold you up with one hand and with the other…" Victors hand suddenly squeezes Yuri's butt.

"Yes," Yuri whispers and he honestly can't say what exactly he's asking for. Either. _Both._   "Please." He’ll beg if that’s what it takes. 

Viktor takes a sudden step back, and Yuri almost falls forward. "I'm _married_ , Yuri." There is a lot of accusation in his voice for someone who, just a second ago, had talked like he had jumped straight out of a porn film.

"It didn't matter last night," Yuri cries out. "You'd have fucked me last night if you didn't have to-" He stops because _had to throw up in a trash can_ doesn't sound very sexy. "If you could have! You'd have done it!"

"I was drunk, Yuri. Very, very drunk. Too much vodka will do that to a man, kotyenok. It's nothing personal." It still feels fucking personal.

 

"Why do you always choose him," Yuri asks, trying to stay calm. "Why is it always him?"

"He's my husband, Yuri." His ring sparkles in the low light of the street lights. There is no apology in his voice. "I love him." Yuri gets it, he does, but it’s not the answer he is looking for.

"And what about me?" Yuri knows he sounds lost and desperate and so fucking needy, that he's embarrassed, just by hearing his voice, but he can't help it. "Am I nothing?"

"Of course, I love you, Yurochka. That's not the problem." Victor laughs. "You're cute when you're crying," he says, after a moment of quiet. "I never noticed that."

"I'm not crying!" His voice breaks in the middle of the lie and Viktor has the guts to just keep smiling. "I'm not crying, you asshole!" The tears are flowing more freely now, down his cheeks and staining his jumper. "Just tell me what you want! I can be anything you want. Just- please!" He's begging now and he can't help but feel shame rushing through him. All of this, the crying, the shouting, the begging, it feels so wrong and it's making Yuri lightheaded. "I just want to be good enough for you," Yuri whispers. "Why am I never good enough?"

"Oh, Yuri," Viktor says and then he pulls Yuri into a tight hug. "It's not about being good enough. We two just don't belong together, that's all. You know that."

"But I want it," Yuri whispers, pressed against Viktor's chest. "It's all I want." Kissing, killing or destroying Viktor, at some point it had all become the same thing.

"You will find someone else," Viktor says carelessly, his tone of voice a strong contrast to his words. "And you will love him much more than you love me and he will make you so very happy. Just imagine it: Going out for dinner and dancing, you could wear those nice lace panties and he'll get all red and blushy when you tell him about them. He won’t be able to take his eyes off you." Viktor chuckles and Yuri can't help but giggle, tears still flowing down his cheeks. "You deserve better than waiting for something that's never going to happen, Yuri," Viktor says, his voice serious. "Don't waste your time."

Yuri nods, not trusting his voice. His face is still hidden in Victors thick woollen trench coat and he's thankful for it. He can just imagine what he looks like right now - puffy eyes, red cheeks and mascara all over his face. Stupid girly make-up that's never as waterproof as it claims to be. He takes a step back and wipes his eyes with the sleeves of his jumper before Viktor can catch a look.

 

"I don't look like I cried," Yuri says and it comes out far more aggressive than intended. 

Viktor smiles and nods, but a second later he is using his thumb to wipe some smudged mascara from Yuri's cheek. For a moment their eyes lock and Yuri stands on the tip of his toes and leans in, just a bit, in a sudden rush of courage and Viktor is looking at his lips, Yuri can see it, just for a second, but then he turns his head, swearing softly. "I can't, Yurochka. You know that." His voice is firm, but Yuri can see his resolve waver.

"Just this once?" He can't keep the hope out of his voice. "Please?"

"Oh Yuri," Viktor says. "Ask me again in a few years, okay?"

Yuri stays silent, irrational disappointment and embarrassment rushing through him. Then, out of nowhere, Viktor's soft lips are on his forehead, pressing a chaste kiss on it.

It's not much, but it's enough to give Yuri hope – it’s just enough to hold on to.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, talk to me on tumblr or send me a prompt! I'm [Amonet-writes](https://amonet-writes.tumblr.com) over there!


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